01 January 2005
Waiting for the naughty sorceress
So it's time to confess that I've sunk more time into the stick-figure populated virtual world, The Kingdom of Loathing, than I'm comfortable with, fighting its legion of anime smileys, spam witches, XXX pr0ns and flaming trolls. I initially checked in because it was a free RPG and I needed to reacquaint myself with the genre. Since then I've played 6955 turns (*gulp*); purchased a Mr Accessory; collected a full set of tattoos, familiars and skills; and completed all of the quests currently available. Exactly a month ago, I reached the end limit of the world, at the Lair of the Naughty Sorceress:
The details of the final confrontation with the Sorceress are still being hammered out.
It won't be too long...
-Love, Jick and Mr. Skullhead
You'd think that would have been closure enough... but I was still only an Apprentice Accordion Thief, so I spent a month grinding; eating, drinking and working out in my clan gym to build my moxie. Shameful, really.
I don't think I'm alone in this strange addiction to KOL. Its charms were well described by maisonneuve:
It’s so hilarious that you forget that the gameplay consists of clicking the attack button for forty adventures a day. See, that’s the neatest trick of all: at first I thought Kingdom of Loathing was making a brilliant mockery of the RPG form. And it is. But in playing this particular game, I’ve come to a first-time-in-my-life understanding (dare I say a genuine affection?) of role play.
For those of you who haven't played yet, here's a tasty sample of the daily adventures:
You're fighting an Anime Smiley This innocent combination of Shift+6 and the underscore has somehow mutated into a freakish grinning face. It gets the jump on you.
omg it zerg rushes j00 but j00 pwnz0r it lol.
You're fighting a Spam Witch
You look into this seductive creature's eyes and feel as if she can make your sword longer, your bank account bigger, your waist smaller, and show you the secret habits of barnyard animals. You fight to resist her charms . . .
You're fighting a MagiMechTech MechaMech
This is a big robot that's powered by a sinister blend of magic and technology. Since sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, though, you're not sure in what proportion.
It gets the jump on you...
Delightful moments of nonsense pervade every aspect of this game. I especially enjoyed its saucy ladies:
Anyway, the day after Christmas, I'd finally done it. I was a level 15 Accordion Thief and could retire from the game with a sense of great satisfaction. But there was a Crimbo stocking waiting for me, with eggnog and candy cane and a gingerbread bugbear, and a small Crimbo pressie to open... And there I was, diving in once again.
There's nothing for it but to stay in the game, waiting for the naughty sorceress.
See also: Chillin' and Loathin' at Coldfront, the official Kingdom of Loathing fansite.
Update: I just found this fascinating LiveJournal discussion about what other players are doing while waiting for the naughty sorceress, e.g. ''I'm trying to make my 3rd million and spend my time farming and sending random stuff to newbies', 'currently collecting ratguts because I am a nerd', 'games channel and philanthropy', 'make a new character and start all over', 'get really really really drunk'...
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Wait, it took you till level 15 before you beat the NS?
Posted by: icecue7 at 30 May 2006 23:43:37